Justifying my curves.
How far do I go to blame my flaws on my curves (or my weight)?
Associating failures to my weight was a part of my life for a long time. I start my contribution to this magazine with a subject that is very close to me, so I will ask you to excuse me and let me explain how I got here. To be a few kilos above the average has always been part of my life. Honestly, I do not have any memories of ever having been slim like my friends and cousins were. I grew up hearing that same old comment: ‘You have such a pretty face, why don’t you try to lose some weight?’ Each time I heard that I would shrink a bit inside my reality, but curiously it was a reality that I had not created myself. And you know what was the worst aspect of it all? That I had to hide my self-esteem and the confidence I had in my own body, because the environment I was inserted in would not allow me to accept and love myself as a fat person.
As time went by, increasingly I would blame my failures on my weight. When I was a teenager I blamed myself when that boy turned me down, then when I did not pass the college selection examinations, then that dream promotion that never came and even the first time I was made redundant. All this hurt a lot but it was always easier to justify myself to other people that I lacked self-esteem and confidence because I was overweight, and that that was all that was holding me back.
It was silly to try to fool others about the way that I felt. How hard it was to live for so long trying to please and fulfil expectations from those that wished to see me slim. Why did I feel the need to do that if at the same time I loved the image that I saw reflected on the mirror? Why follow the dieting fad of the moment, strictly avoid foods and even take prescribed drugs if I felt fine and had a healthy body? I am not here advocating for carelessness, for binging on food nor for a sedentary life style. I am talking about being healthy and loving oneself just the way one is.
If you are a curvy woman who loves herself and is healthy and confident in herself the way she is despite the few extra pounds, it is high time that you stopped pretending that is not the case just to conform with the rules. If you are happy in your body stop using it to justify your weaknesses and failures. If some things are not going well with you, there are thousands of self-knowledge approaches for you to get to the root of the problem. But if you are happy inside your skin, love your body, respect it and take good care of it. Problems will arise and they will need to be dealt with but if your physical shape is NOT one of them, soften your heart and soul with good thoughts. And, above all, forgive yourself so you can start saying ‘yes’ to your new beginning. Start afresh being yourself, with plenty of curves and displaying lots of pride, self-esteem and happiness.